Praying and Fasting

Today marks the start of our church's annual Prayer and Fasting. I decided to take the water fast and social media fast. Last night I deactivated my Facebook and I'm not really into checking my twitter all the time.

I've always thought it's hard to fast when you're with family. And to a certain degree it's true especially when your family doesn't get why you're doing that. (I'll wrire something about fasting and the reason behind it in another post) Plus, the table never gets foodless. But since my family started attending and enjoying church a few weeks ago, fasting has never been so easy with family. They fully support it, and my sis-in-law also joined me. She's taking one-meal-only fast.

One very sweet gesture of support came from my niece Nikki. She got a glass of water on her own, for me to drink and when she saw that the glass was already empty, she took another trip to the kitchen to fetch me another glass. The sweetest thing!

My 2013

My 2013 will be marked by GOing.
By Giving and Obeying.

This year, more and more will I GO.

Give. For a long long time I have been living a me-centered, me-glorifying, me-serving life. This year, I decided to surrender and lose my life, because JESUS has promised.

I shall choose to give more. Serve more. Love more. This year will be marked by giving.

Obey. I turned 30 last October 2012, and I can say that in my 30 years of existence, the only times that I have truly lived are those times when I have obeyed GOD. The times when I have chosen to trust and be still because HE said so. The times when I held on to His Word because it was HE who spoke. But most especially the times when I took the jumps because HE asked me to. That's life.

In my thirty years here on earth I have seen and proven that the only way to make the rest of my years beautiful is to listen to GOD, and not just stop there, but to OBEY. I had my share of disobediences and oh, how I have messed up. But the few times that I have obeyed.. WOW!! The rewards and joy it brings is just irreplaceable.

I have decided to make my 2013 count, all by God's goodness and unmerited favor. I shall give and obey. I shall GO this 2013. :D

So this was how it was like during EDSA Revolution...

Been wanting to hear vivid stories about our historical People Power in 1986 but all I found were very general stories. I couldn't really imagine it. One time I even wished my parents were there so at least I have some stories to tell, haha.

And then tonight, I stumbled upon this article through abs-cbn news. Thank God for this one!

Here it is:

LIFE BEGAN AT 41 -- FOR ME (A PEOPLE POWER MEMOIR)

By Mrs. Gloria Viola

We were still recovering from contusions and trauma from a van that turned turtle while on a convoy to ferry the ballot boxes to QC Hall when the husband and I were disturbed by the news on vote counting at PICC.

There were computerized programs alright – but they were slanted to manipulate the vote counts and make the then dictator win again. We felt helpless and hopeless – in hushed, desperate tones we talked of joining the outspoken and daring guys up there in the boondocks and entrust our four kids to my mother-in-law, then 61 years old with a heart condition. We prayed as a couple – as we never did before.

I was sobbing because I was torn between leaving my kids and joining my husband in the movement whoever, wherever they were. When we got out of our room, determined in the next steps we were going to take, the TV set was on and yes – Praise God!- the computer technicians doing the counting (manipulating) at PICC were walking out in protest of the crookedness of it all!

We didn’t have to go to the boonies after all. There was an observable growing number of parents, adults and youth who had some national and social conscience and were slowly gathering steam to speak out and be heard after more than two decades of being deaf, dumb and blind.

Feb 21, Friday afternoon. We joined a group of couples to facilitate a weekend seminar up in a retreat house in Angono, Rizal. We called the group Christian Parenting For Peace and Justice – the more peaceful, albeit slow, way to awaken the consciousness and conscience of the parents regardless of faith group or leaning. I was a Methodist wife of a Catholic husband mixing with the Jesuit-led group; it was comfortable and comforting to know I was counted in the group.

Before the second talk would end, the radio was agog with very picturesque description of what was going on in camp Aguinaldo – Fidel Ramos and Juan Ponce Enrile, both Ilocanos, had just felt the Gabriela Silang running in their veins, and decided to stick together to fight that old, sick Ilocano guy in Malacanang. And their supporters were multiplying so quickly. Even the late Jaime Cardinal Sin became their staunchest supporter. Somewhere there was an underground broadcasting station that urged people to band together and make everything right, once and for all.

We decided it was pointless to go on with the weekend; we all wanted to go down the mountain, as Moses did, and be with the people.

The EDSA section in front of Camp Crame and Camp Aguinaldo seemed quiet and peaceful when we reached the place so we all decided to go home and get some sleep while waiting for any development. We went home to Muntinlupa, bundled our four kids and whatever food provision in the house, blankets, towels, sets of clothings, and decided to move to their lola’s place in Dansalan near Boni Ave. There, we would all be closer to each other and to my in-laws.

Feb 22, Saturday early morning, my sister then with the AFP, called to say she was running low on infant formula and rice. The soldiers had locked all gates and they couldn’t get out. His husband was then on a commercial ship between Russia and Norway and since I was her manang and I lived closest to her, she turned to me for help.

We borrowed a friend’s Tamaraw so we could carry about three sacks of rice to bring to Camp Aguinaldo with advise to my sister that she meet us at the first gate closest to the corner – I would hurl the two cans of infant formula over the gate to her, the rice she could divide among themselves in the barrio .

I failed to meet my sister – I was crying with the milk in my hands: my nephew was going to die of hunger! I prayed that she would remember to cook “am” and add a scoop of milk if only to feed the baby. We gave the rice to the soldiers by the gate – their own families needed to eat, too, so maybe that was alright.

We were headed home to Boni Ave cruising through EDSA when we met the guy shouting out in his megaphone: “We need vehicles to barricade Ortigas Ave – the tanks are coming! They are coming! “ When we reached the EDSA-Ortigas corner, there was no vehicle in sight yet – I remember asking my husband if the AUV we borrowed had any war insurance rider and he said it didn’t matter anymore – we had to be there on the barricade line, the first and only one!

I was so scared – I needed to pee, the waiters at Tropical Hut were closing up but I asked them to let me use their toilet just for a minute. It seemed like the longest pee-minute I ever had – still shaking, I went out expecting to see the lonely red tamaraw in that huge corner. But I couldn’t anymore see the borrowed vehicle – there was a ten-deep formation of all kinds of vehicles, huge and tiny, old and new, luxury and all-utility! It was a sea of vehicles – and as I craned my neck to look for my husband, we heard the roaring of tanks coming.

Then the tide of human faces gripped in fear but praying so sincerely to bombard the heavens with their prayers, rushed to the direction where the tanks seemed to be heading to. Nuns, clerics, young, old, couples, singles – they were all there. Holding on tight to my husband’s arm, we moved as close as we could to where the tanks were. Just behind the nuns – they won’t hit the nuns, right? The cadence of the litanies grew louder, now with sobs and shrieks punctuating every line – but the tanks kept moving closer – and closer.

I must have closed my eyes – I didn’t relish the thought of looking into the eyes of the soldiers as they went rat-ta-tat on us – and I held my breath. Then the tanks suddenly stopped – and everything was so heavenly quiet. We stopped breathing: they were not moving. Why – what? Then one by one, the soldiers came out slowly of their metal shells - and shyly waved their hands at the crowd. The screams of joy were deafening! I looked into the eyes of the first soldier I met – they were kind and smiling – he was thirsty and hungry, too. He was friendly! They all were! They all looked like my own nephews, my neighbors, my kin! They couldn’t fire at civilians who were not their enemies!

Feb 23, Sunday. A phone call woke me up – it was my good friend, Carolyn Seymour of Idaho: “Gloria, are you safe there? You are that close to EDSA I know – you all can come and live with me here.” Only then did I realize that the event was known and seen worldwide – and that friends around the world knew what was happening in Metro Manila.

After a quick shower and a heavy breakfast, we carried the baskets of bread for the soldiers, and jugs of water too. The Chinese neighbor who owned the sari-sari store gave some biscuits and crackers, the pediatrician and obgyn couple sent along boiled bananas – anything we accepted for the soldiers.

The food was never enough – but there were smiles and handshakes for everyone. We walked the stretch from Boni Ave to Camp Aguinaldo – we didn’t feel tired at all because everyone else was walking, everyone was a friend, a comrade. But the dictator wouldn’t give up yet.

And people slept on the sidewalk – everyone felt safe in the company of strangers who were actually their countrymen, their compatriots. Since we couldn’t go to hear mass, our priest-leader said the mass right where the people were. Imagine right this minute how so many voices can move as one in perfect cadence to recite the Lord’s Prayer. There was no catholic nor protestant version – it was the entire nation calling on the Heavenly Father to listen to a united cry! I felt goosebumps over me – I just wanted to sob, and the more I tried to stop the sounds from coming out, the louder they became. I thought my chest would break open – the emotion building up inside me was just too much to take.

Feb 24, Monday. There was some kind of victorious cheering, and momentarily people were shouting for joy – but the news was just a hoax. That guy should have been shot – he was playing a cruel joke on the mounting emotions of the crowd. We walked home that night to take a shower and to get some more food and water provisions.

We hugged the kids – told them to stay put at lola’s place no matter what. And if they run out of food or snacks, they can ask our Chinese neighbor to just list down what they get from his store. We were getting tired – we were walking more slowly now but still we made it to our unofficial camp in front of Camp Aguinaldo. That night, we were decided to camp out – the kids were safe and warm at home. We could make this sacrifice for their future – yes, their future.

The walk to and from Camp Aguinaldo wasn’t as tiring anymore but the euphoria was dying slowly. Or was it just my imagination? Less and less people were going – were we giving up? Were we well equipped to do this for days – and months? Soon, I must stop too, to mother my kids who were by that time feeling orphaned. I told myself – tonight I will sleep here in EDSA. But tomorrow, I will attend to the meals of the four little ones left with their lola. Just let me sleep here for tonight – the day’s newspaper will be my bed and with my husband near me, nothing can go wrong.

Feb 25

Daylight was breaking – I cannot even say if we even slept a wink at all – even the other faces were still there with us: expectant, hopeful, determined. No bath, not even some water to gargle last night’s dried saliva away, nor to wash the dust from the face. We all looked alike – smelled alike. Nobody seemed hungry and thirsty though. I didn’t know whether it was the third day, or fifth day – I was tired, and I lacked sleep and I promised to myself that by noontime, I had to be with my kids. See if they all had taken their bath and they have broth on the table. I wasn’t thinking of saying goodbye to my husband – I was just going to leave him, he will be safe with our group – with the crowd. omigosh, I even forgot he had to take his medication regularly for his heart condition! What have I been thinking! He could drop dead any moment! Everything seemed to be in s-l-o-w- m-o –

“The Dictator has just left Malacanang! The family has just left for Hawaii! Now we are FREE, FREE, FREE!’

“Not another cruel joke, right? We’ll skin the guy who is shouting such crap!”

“Listen to the radio! June Keithley has just announced it – verified source. The DICTATOR and his FAMILY and COHORTS have boarded the plane for HAWAII!”

Picture the jubilation in your mind – Juan embracing Pedro, Jane hugging Petra, Jose jumping up and down and Maria, sobbing, crying uncontrollably. Picture them all as they danced for joy, for liberation, for thanksgiving. I was quiet - I almost left the camping ground – I would have missed the moment!

I am glad I was there, too. I felt life began for me again - at age 41! I gazed at my husband’s eyes – I could have married him again that moment – but it is enough consolation for me to know we were there – together. Right then and there, I knew we could move on together no matter what the cost will be. -- Gloria Ramos Viola

Here’s the original article. :)

I'm Supposed to be HAPPY but I'm NOT

I've been reading A.W. Tozer's book "The Attributes of God" and it's been changing my life. My wrong mindset of God is thrown out the window and my faith is growing by the day. The premise of the book is that "accurate view of God changes the way we live our lives". For a week now, I'm still in the second chapter. I'm stuck with it this week. I can't move on to reading unless I'm sure I truly understood and lived it out.

The second chapter, in a nutshell, is about why we Christians are unhappy. Of course, many will say, "I'm not unhappy. I'm good. I have God and I'm good." Ok, so I guess this post is not for you. Goodbye, have a nice day. :) This post is for those who want to be brutally honest with themselves and admit that yes, "I'm a Christian and yet unhappy, and I wonder why. Should I backslide now?" Haha.

Think with me. What makes you happy? What makes your day? What gives your soul a lift?

I answered these questions and guess what, my answers were much like the same as yours. These are what make me happy:

• consistent attention from this special someone. (yihee!) and God, of course.
• kilig moments with my crush (haha, grade schooler ba at crush level pa rin?) and God.
• affection and love I feel from my relationship with this particular friend. and God.
• money to do what I want, WHEN I want it. and God.(I'm a Christian, remember?)
• my family. and God.
• my circle of Christian friends. and God.
• my job. and God.
• fruitful small group and other ministry I'm involved in. and God.

Many Christians are unhappy because we have set our hearts on things.
The same things that make us happy are the same things and people that make our souls dry, sad, frustrated and empty - continually longing.

We have set our minds on things, allowed them to give us security, and comfort and have just professionally added God as a bonus. God makes things more colorful, more beautiful, more fun. We have just added God to our list of things and people. We have put God as a plus sign after something else.

Let me echo Tozer's words: "We multiply, we increase, and still we're anxious and unsatisfied. Why? Because all that is beneath God will not satisfy us. You're made in the image of God and nothing short of God will satisfy you. Over the years you will find that you are not content with "things plus God". You'll have to have GOD minus all things.

As soon as I set my hopes and comforts upon things and people I'll lose something out of my heart. It dare not be things and God, it dare not be people and God: it must be God and nothing else.

Need I say more? One can just imagine how this truth, or this slap in my face brought me to my knees and changed my prayer to "Lord, I'm sorry for allowing this person and these things to share Your place in my heart. Now, Give me Thyself, for nothing less than Thee will satisfy me."

This song captured my heart's desire. Hope you get something out of it as well. :)

A Dream Woke Me Up

So okay. TODAY I woke up with a heavy body, having this period and all, you know. It's a girl thing. I felt too lazy to take a bath right away. but my heart said "Good Morning Dad, I love you. Let's talk longer in a while."

TODAY, I suddenly had this feeling of idleness, hating myself for spending more than 30 minutes on Facebook since last week I decided I would only be in Facebook 30 minutes a day. That's how addicted I got to this social network.

Now you wouldn't be too surprised that I felt too idle because YES, I was being UNPRODUCTIVE and useless whenever I'm on Facebook. It's a total waste of MY time.

So TODAY, the dream to write a book (and be able to publish at least one) for women came to surface again. Thanks to you idle time you.

Jana, one of my friends and now a mom (that's really her in the picture, nice no? :D), replied to my tweet about writing a book. She said we should meet, and she already has a sponsor and editor-in-chief. What's up with that??!! An answered prayer to one that I haven't even prayed aloud yet. Now THAT is exciting, and now I'm up on my toes ready to be busy again. :)

Now, let's take this one step at a time, for what's important is that I'm making constant progress in every step.


So TODAY, I'm starting to blog for real. :)